Pub garden aphorisms…

  1. An honest man has few friends.
  2. A married man has little opportunity for honesty.
  3. Whether the glass is half-empty or half-full,the man who doesn’t drink has little perspective on life, his experience being entirely empty!
  4. He who has seen the majesty of the pyramids at Giza may not have seen the sublime beauty of the street lights reflected in the duck pond next to the Queen’s Head pub in Chislehurst.
  5. The next drink holds more real promise than the breasts of the most buxom barmaid (adapt as befitting your own sexual orientation).
  6. The sins of the pub garden are more real than those of the Garden of Eden.
  7. A bird in the hand is a rarity over the age of 45!
  8. The eighth aphorism in any list is always the most difficult to compose.
  9. A mirage is not to be trusted, unless it’s the Mirage 2 Diner in Chislehurst, in which case the food is great.
  10. Don’t compose lists while under the influence of alcohol.

Composed on Christmas Eve 2016.

In praise of dystopia…

Surely one of the most attractive aspects of much of dystopian fiction is that, in putting ourselves in the place of the protagonist, we secretly wish that significant numbers of other people will not survive. This is especially true of the zombie holocaust or pandemic type scenario. It’s almost as if the exploration of death and hastened entropy allows nature to reclaim her dominion, and that those who survive are the lucky ones despite their deprivations.

Of course Richard Matheson went a bit too far in his I Am Legend novel. Too few people are no fun. No-one wants to be completely alone, we just want enough of the world to ourselves to create our own kingdom.

I suppose that friends and family (for the most part) would get a free pass. But even then, they’d have to occupy a different part of the world/game map. They can survive, but mustn’t interfere or harm the illusion of survival and self-suffiency.

And there, I suppose is the truth of it. A ruined world is a great fantasy, but is best lived from an armchair isn’t it. I don’t think I could really kill a wild boar to survive, do you? I could make it stop living with a sharp stick or a found gun, but then I’d have no idea of how to actually butcher it.

No, tea and biscuits in the commercial break during The Walking Dead is more my style of survival horror. I suspect it’s the same for all but the most deluded urban survival nuts.

Is that why the prospect of dystopia is so comforting? Because, rather than frighten us about a horrible future, it prompts us to look around at the comfortable present? Naturally I speak of ‘we’ in the cosseted First World. Does dystopian fiction exist or look different in the developing world?

More personal research needed on the subject…

Ha ha ha!

Donald Trump, through some freak accident, is President-Elect in the US. It’s a joke on a global scale that has the whole world laughing, cringing, and crying by turns. But, the last step and possible obstacle in confirming him in office, the Electoral College, has just gone along with the whole thing: The Electoral College has failed America and democracy in electing Donald Trump.

It’s a joke right?

Adult, responsible people who are the custodians of US ‘democracy’ have put the rubber stamp on his accession to the office of President.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !

I can think of no other response.

Merry Christmas everyone, it may be our last!